Facing the Loss

Facing the Loss of a Loved One

The experience of loss is one of the most difficult things under the sun. While it is true that everyone mourns differently, it does not mean that the process is quick. For most, healing from one’s grief is something that is learned. At the same time, healing never means forgetting. A healthy grief response has everything to do with learning how to mourn.

The Difference between Grief and Mourning

There is a difference between the experience of grief and that of mourning. Grief is what every loved one experiences when their special person dies. Mourning is the outward expression of that grief. Those who mourn, heal. The question remains, how do I do that? What does mourning look like?

• Give yourself a truckload of grace. Essentially this means giving yourself time to express what you are feeling. These feelings can change or seem more intense on special days. Resist the pressure you may feel from others who try to hurry you through this process. Because every relationship is different, every individual’s expression of mourning will also be different. No one has ever lost your special person with your lives and special memories together.

• Be exceedingly patient. Mourning is work. It is thoroughly mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausting. One size does not fit all, so don’t look to others to determine how long you will feel like this. It takes as long as it takes. As long as you are searching out and utilizing avenues to mourn, you are healing. For those who “choose not to dwell on it,” remember this: unaddressed grief will not go away by itself. When not addressed directly, it can manifest itself in countless less obvious ways.

• Practice the essentials. This means as much as possible, practice healthy nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Each of these will help renew your perspective and each is essential to move forward in this process. Always check with your physician first if you are experiencing physical symptoms since your loss. It is not always accurate to assume that grief is to blame for these symptoms.

• Reach out for help. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Sign-up for grief counseling or join a grief support group filled with others who share a similar loss. Be patient with yourself and others. While it is not a journey that will happen easily or quickly, healing does occur as you discover avenues to express your grief. Hope does return, and not only hope, but hope of joy to follow.

• What if I don't feel like doing anything? It is normal to want to stay at home, to shirk away from invitations and feel withdrawn. This only becomes abnormal behavior when personal responsibilities are compromised or neglected. This includes self-care.

All bereavement services are offered without cost at our Community Bereavement Center. Call to schedule an individual session or learn current support group schedule, 256.350.5585.